Funny Things I Did Wrong During My 1st Sex Encounter

This is why you have negative feelings afterward sex

Have you had sex and then regretted it or felt rejected? You lot aren't alone, and nada's incorrect with you lot, either.

Sex: Sex can be fun, liberating and utterly wonderful. But not always. Sometimes information technology feels similar something is missing afterwards sex. Sometimes we think that it shouldn't take happened or should have been different.

Women often want closeness later on sex, merely men are not equally interested. Illustration: Thinkstock

Women want closeness afterward sex more than often than men. On the other hand, men more unremarkably desire to get away, new research confirms.

The sexes likewise experience regrets in varying degrees and about different aspects of the sexual run across.

"Women accept regrets later on sex more than oftentimes than men," says master's pupil Heitor Barcellos Ferreira Fernandes from the Federal University of Rio Grande do Sul in Brazil. He came up with the idea for the new report that examines negative feelings after sex.

Even though men and women are both interested in sex for its own sake, they are looking for different things in a sexual relationship. Photograph: Thinkstock

The research confirms what people may accept already believed merely didn't know for sure, and it opens upward an obvious follow-up question.

"There's nothing new nigh some people having negative feelings after sex. But why? How can something that starts out good result in such negative emotions?" asks Professor Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair at NTNU'southward Section of Psychology.

The short version is that although women and men are both interested in sex for its own sake, they are also—quite naturally—looking for different things in a sexual relationship.

• You might also like: Why your mom and your sis disapprove of your young man: The Juliet effect

Negative emotions are non abnormal

Nosotros're almost often talking about one-dark stands.

"Part of respondents in the study were in long-term relationships, even though most respondents reported these negative emotions subsequently brusk-term relationships," says Fernandes.

Information technology doesn't always end this mode. Photo: Thinkstock

Sex activity can be a mutual source for everything from joy to frustration. Simply sexual activity is too one of nature'south ways to exam out potential long-term partners, peculiarly for women. For men, from an evolutionary standpoint sexual activity is peradventure primarily an opportunity for mating.

"Some psychiatrists want to pathologize negative emotions after sexual practice," says Professor Kennair.

But the researchers aren't going forth with that idea. On the contrary, negative feelings after sexual practice may be exactly the correct response.
"Some people may exist surprised that both men and women oftentimes have negative feelings after sex," says Fernandes.

These feelings stem from a conflict between what nosotros wish for in a sexual meet and what we really get from it.

Evolution fabricated us this way. Negative feelings later sex don't mean that anything is wrong with y'all.

Three categories of negative emotions

Table 1: Differences in men and women's feelings afterwards sexual activity. Click on the table to enlarge information technology.

Researchers from Brazil, Norway and N America collaborated to investigate the topic. They received responses from four groups that formed the basis of the surveys, one from each region and a 4th group, called from Anglo-Americans who responded online. Sources from the Usa and Canada were merged into one, every bit the researchers found no difference between their responses. (See TABLE one.)

The maximum age was set at 30 years. People's sexual habits tend to change around that age, when many are in long-term relationships and the end of women's reproductive age is drawing closer.

"Nosotros causeless that at that place were two or three main types of negative emotions later on sex," says Kennair.

1. LACK OF PROXIMITY: 1 type of negative feeling is when y'all want a stronger connexion afterwards, where you experience rejected or want more closeness.
2. LACK OF DISTANCE:The 2nd type of negative feeling is the opposite, where yous want to go out afterwards and experience your sexual partner equally clingy.

3. REPUTATION: A third grade of negative emotion is where you feel regret because you lot worry about your reputation.

The maximum age was set up to 30, because people's sexual habits alter over the years. Illustration: Thinkstock

The third course of negative emotion is like betwixt men and women. Both men and women think almost their reputation. A bad reputation tin can make you less attractive to other partners who may exist a better fit for y'all in the long run than the person you just shared a bed or eatery toilet with.

The main differences between the sexes tin can be found among those who want to leave and those who want the other to stay.

• You might likewise like: She's not interested in sex merely he thinks she is

Men want to leave

"The sexual act itself can reinforce the ties between the parties if the correct hormones are triggered. Simply for the partner who gains the most from moving on to other potential short-term partners, it more than oftentimes triggers a feeling of distance instead," Kennair says.
So in a human relationship between two people of different genders, almost women and men are looking for completely unlike things. The partner who gains the most from seeking out new short-term sexual relationships is normally the man.

Most men want more sexual partners than well-nigh women do, because they derive a benefit from sexual variation. Previous Norwegian and international research shows that men are also generally more open to i-night stands than women are.

In this context, we accept to look at sexual practice as a fashion in which we, consciously or unconsciously, are testing out a potential partner that nosotros can later take a child with. Even when a sexual relationship does non result in a kid, biological science even so drives our sexual psychology.

Seen historically and evolutionarily, men are less invested in their offspring than women are, and they are looking for quantity over quality to a greater extent. (See PARENTAL INVESTMENT fact box.)

Parental investment

• In the end, sex is about our ability to spread our genes. We exercise this mainly past having children who are able to spread their genes, but other factors come into play.
• Women and men accept completely unlike strategies past nature. The investment in each child can exist much higher for women.
• Women tin normally but get a few children through life. This means that the quality of each kid must be high then that they tin spread their genes to the next generation. Ideally, the adult female finds a stable and resourceful ally who helps to nurture these few children and make them attractive to potential partners. http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/about-prolific-mother-ever
• Men can theoretically have lots of children with minimum investment in each child. But what you lose in quality, y'all gain in quantity. Many children can spread their genes to the next generation, a human being can tolerate some of his children failing.
• The research is based on theories of parental investment by Robert Triver.

With this background, researchers expected to find more than men who wanted greater distance for a fleeting sexual experience – and they constitute information technology.

"Men on average wanted to leave to a greater degree than be intimate subsequently sexual practice in all the geographical regions," says Kennair.

The researchers likewise incidentally found that men more oft pity their sexual partner afterwards.

Women want the man to stay

Biologically, women want security, a man who can assistance her raise the children- and it'due south not necessarily on a conscious level.

"Women gain from having quality rather than quantity. They want the man to stay to a greater extent. This preference applies on a group level, and obviously non to anybody," says Kennair

From a biological perspective, women want security, a man who can help her raise their child. But they may not exist conscious of this. Photo: Thinkstock

In this instance, the researchers expected to find that women want more closeness subsequently sex than men, and that they are more likely to experience rejected after a short-term relationship. This was confirmed, too.

Women more usually experience rejected after a ane-night stand that that doesn't develop into anything more. They would rather take their sexual partner bring together them for breakfast the next morning- and often for the next several breakfasts, as well.

This corresponds to previous research past evolutionary psychologists Anne Campbell at Durham University in the UK and Martie Haselton at UCLA, showing that women more often than not feel more connected to a man the day after sex. Men by and large experience less tied to the adult female after sex activity than before. He as well tends to see her every bit less bonny once the sexual act is over.

Norwegian women have the fewest negative feelings about men staying

Norwegian women are unlike from other women in that they have fewer and weaker feelings about being connected to their partner subsequently a brief sexual relationship. Illustration: Thinkstock

An interesting exception is Norwegian women. They stand out from the women in North America and Brazil by having fewer and weaker feelings about connecting to their partner afterwards a brief sexual relationship. Presumably this is a cultural accommodation.

"We tin speculate that this is due to a greater level of sexual equality and sexual liberation in Norway. Sexual activity for the sake of sex is more accepted here," Kennair theorizes, simply he says that more research is needed on this.

Just even if this may be an effect of a more egalitarian culture, Norway still has gender differences. Norwegian men nevertheless want far less closeness with their partner after sex activity than Norwegian women.

Lurking in the background

Before anyone starts pointing out the obvious: the difference between what women and men want in a relationship is not something that almost people go around thinking about, and certainly not when they are out one dark and seeking happiness and a potential sexual partner on the dance flooring or in a secluded corner of the pub.

Simply information technology lurks in the background anyway, regardless of sexual liberalization and access to effective contraceptives that reduce the adventure of having children with an unwanted partner.

Regardless of the sexual revolution and access to birth control, women still accept these feelings. Evolution doesn't work that quickly. Illustration: Thinkstock

"Evolution doesn't work this fast. You lot don't change the neural pathways behind what we're predisposed to feel," says Fernandes.

Evolution has not been able to answer to new contraceptives. The fact that people feel something specific after intercourse does non in any style hateful that they know about the evolutionary relationships that underlie their feelings.

The fundamentals don't change inside a few generations. For several hundred grand years before us, women's and men'due south differing strategies provided an evolutionary reward.

People who behaved like that were by and large improve at spreading their genes. Your ancestors did information technology correct. You too.

Kennair goes deeper into the topic here (in Norwegian).

Source: Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences. Are Negative Postcoital Emotions a Product of Evolutionary Accommodation? Multinational Relationships With Sexual Strategies, Reputation, and Mate Quality. Heitor B. F. Fernandes, Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, Claudio South. Hutz, Jean C. Natividade and Daniel J. Kruger. Online Beginning Publication, May iv, 2015.

rodriquezseter1982.blogspot.com

Source: https://norwegianscitechnews.com/2016/06/this-is-why-you-have-negative-feelings-after-sex/

Share this post